Plus, 10 totally affordable options that wont break the bank!
Hey, hey guys! So I've got a little something to confess. I walked around the streets of Portland... barefoot. Yes, I said barefoot yo' It's sketchy and highly unsanitary, honestly. To be fair it was my one big night out. The military ball. We can all get in our feelings about the military ball. Some love them, some hate them. However, most of us dread them because it's like finding a prom dress in your 30's.
Ah, the military ball, I was like Cinderella, but with vodka, lots of vodka and brand new high heels. Because let's face it, I had a damn dress dilemma, that in turn caused a shoe crisis! Which left me making questionable choices in the streets of Downtown Portland. I hate to admit it, but it looks like I'm more like her evil step sisters with those fat ass, swollen feet, that just couldn't take, ONE. MORE. DRUNKEN STEP.
This post contains affilate links.
C'mon, laugh with me here people! All I can say is, at least by this point I was among the company of friends doing the after party thing. Looking back, I can honestly say the dress was the furthest thing from my mind at that point. Go figure. The stupid brand new shoes were a joke! If I hadn't found a dress last minute, I'd have had time to break those puppies in. Alas, I did, so I didn't. If you haven't noticed I'm not the girl with an extensive heel collection. Any heels I'm wearing ar "new or slightly usd."
The thing is I went through a few dresses until I actually found one, on the day of the ball! I did have back ups "just in case" but let's be honest I never should have stressed so much in the first place. This goes out to all of you first timers or not, DON'T STRESS THE DRESS. Seriously we can find the perfect dress if our focus is on sophistication.
THIS IS NOT PROM! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT PROM!
Someone should of told me that, no?! Maybe ya' could of warned a girl.
Okay, in all seriousness ladies, I know what some of you are thinking, but this is a ceremony. A lot of standing and sitting and singing and standing again. Up and down, drinks all around. You want to be comfortable right? Just nod your head, I promise ...
This my friends, brings me to my first and perhaps most important tip on choosing the right dress.
Okay, in all seriousness ladies, I know what some of you are thinking, but this is a ceremony. A lot of standing and sitting and singing and standing again. Up and down, drinks all around. You want to be comfortable right? Just nod your head, I promise ...
This my friends, brings me to my first and perhaps most important tip on choosing the right dress.
Comfort Is Key
Seriously my biggest tip to you is comfort is key! Please, please, please, find something that is comfortable to you. If not, you will be pulling and tugging and adjusting all night. Finding something that you are comfortable in will be of the utmost importance. With the ceremonies and dancing and the receiving lines, the last thing you want to be doing is checking to make sure your boob is securely taped in... seriously. I know, I don't have time for that! Find a dress that will move with you!
Drop shoulder Peplum Maxi Evening Dress
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| 39.99 |
I am seriously in love with this dress. In fact, I owned this dress. So flattering and very subdue. Seriously this baby can be dressed up or down depending on the ocasion. It is a perferct little black dress in my opinion! If your going for simple flattering dress, I suggest this one. It's one of a few on this list that I have and tried on!
Women's Vintage Halter Chiffon Long Dress
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| 34.99 |
Floor Length, Please
You want your gown to be floor length. Please. I know you've been told you can do short but... long is the way to go. I promise. If you have to, tea length could suffice depending on the formality of the whole event. If it's a dining out per say, then tea length could be okay. When in doubt go long. Trust me, just do it.
Elegant Mermaid Evening Dress
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| Buy it here for 39.99 |
No Prom Dresses
It is what it is. A ball. A military ball. Remember how I said, let's focus on sophistication? We're going to get into that real quick. So I'm assuming by now you've googled what not to wear to a military ball. You've seen that picture of a girl in a tiny sliver of fabric, getting kinda low, with an awkward looking fella standing behind her. It's a common photo in the what not to wear articles. However, few are showing us what we should be wearing. Right?
No prom dresses means those things are made for teenage girls. Sure we can squeeze into them but should we? Probably not.I know it's hard to resist the juniors section at your local mall but please try. Unless you can find a muted or jewel tone simple gown you should avoid the rest of them all together. We are going for all out sophistication. Simple Elegance.
Women's Retro Floral Lace Chiffon
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| 38.99 |
Keep it Classy Ladies
I'm just gonna keep rolling after the prom dress thing. Ladies, let's cover up shall we? Let's not wear dresses that leave little to the imagination. Let's find cut that keep the little ladies in place, and by in place I mean securely placed behind one maybe two layers of fabric. I don't need to see your entire back to know your not wearing any kinds of undies. I don't, I promise. A a simple gown can be dressed up with a beautiful necklace, or set of pearls.
Women's Plus Size Off Shoulder Long Formal Evening Dress
I'll say it again. Simple, long, muted, dark, jewel tones are all perfect examples of what you can do. The possibilities are limitless. I'm just saying, remember simple. You don't want a lot going on, it will help with the comfort factor. Keeping things covered up with no cut outs would be a good choice.
Lace Off-Shoulder Evening Dresses
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| Buy it here for 65.26 |
Be You!
Honestly ladies here's the thing. Just be you. If your bold and loud, be that, try a red or burgandy dress and some killer accesories. If your more subdue be that, maybe a simple black floor length gown and some simple pearls. If you want to do the sparkle thats okay too. I suggest a dark blue or black and keeping the dress one color. Bottom line find something that suits you, your style and your personality.
Sequins Mermaid V neck
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| Buy it here for 69.99 |
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| Buy it here for 75.99 |
My Pregnant Ladies
Hey girls, I see you too. I found this one for you! While meandering through the internet finding the best deals on dresses I came across this one! Seriously if your, 1 pregnant and 2 going to a formal event of anykind, go read the reiews on this one. There are some seriously awesome photo reviews of some seriously cute pregnant ladies rocking this dress!
However, I don't bame anyone whos not pregnant to love this dress any less!
Womens Sexy Off The Shoulder Mermaid
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| Buy it here for 35.99 |
Don't Break the Bank
This one is for real. I wasted so much money looking for the perfect dress. It was fabric and lace and patterns, to this dresses and that dress, and then another one. If only I had started sooner and found one or even two on amazon. I would have saved a ton of money. Did you know you can buy formal gowns on Amazon at ridiculously cheap prices? Most of these dresses are under 50 bucks! You seriously can't beat some of the deals they have going on over there.
With amazon prime you get free 2 day shipping as well.
With amazon prime you get free 2 day shipping as well.
Bottom Line, Ladies
Don't stress the dress. No dress will ever hide all of your flaws, or be just so. If you go with some sort of simple elegance that's comfortable to you, you'll be just fine. Less is more when it comes to these things.As I did the walk of shame, in the streets of downtown Portland, the most comfortable thing was that damn dress, after all. As I flung my heels at my side with every painful stride, I couldn't help but smile when I was complimented on how good my ass looked in that dress. If only I would have found it 3 dresses sooner.
Do you have any Military Ball horror stories? I would love to hear them!
Have fun loves!
xoxo,
Michelle
I am in love with all of the dresses, especially with number three, as I think it exhibits class and style at the same time. Thank you so much for compiling this list.
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